4 wedding red flags that are telltale signs a couple won't last, according to a dating coach (2024)

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A groom shoving cake into a bride's face could be a sign of underlying aggression, White says.

White says one of the biggest red flags that a couple won't work out in the long run involves wedding cake.

For some, it's tradition for the bride and groom to rub cake on each other's faces before the dessert is served to their guests. White says paying attention to how the couple approaches the act of rubbing cake is key.

"If it's loving, if it's more of a caress, that's one thing," White said. But if the cake rubbing is more forceful, he says, it indicates that the groom may harbor "deep-seated aggression" and is comfortable humiliating a partner.

"If a groom is willing to do that in front of your friends and family, I can't imagine what he's willing to do in the privacy of your own home," White said.

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A big wedding can also be a sign that a partner's priorities are in the wrong place, White says.

Some of the most successful marriages White has seen have started with an elopement or a more casual celebration.

By contrast, he says, some of the least successful couples hosted elaborate weddings, which can come across more like spectacles than authentic celebrations of love.

"A lot of brides really try to make the wedding as big as possible. And that is often a telltale sign that a bride is more focused on the wedding than they are on the marriage," White said. "What this means is 'I care about what other people think more than I care about the actual union.'"

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If family members' speeches don't refer to both partners, it's a sign they don't like or don't know who their loved one is marrying, White says.

People giving wedding speeches will devote most of their remarks to the person in the couple they know best, White says.

But somewhere in the speech, he says, there should be at least a mention of the other person.

If the speech-giver is solely focused on their person, he says it could mean one of two things: "One, they don't like the person. They are going by the old mantra of if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. Or two, they don't know the other person enough."

"What you want to see is positive things being said about the other person and how they represent themselves in your person's life," he said.

Friends and family can be better judges of whether a relationship will last than the people actually in the relationship.

White says he likes to refer to friends and family of his clients as their "love jury" because they can help individuals "have all of the perspectives" they need to make "the most informed decisions" about their romantic lives.

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Even if the wedding red flags aren't foolproof, White says, they can be indicators of a relationship's success.

White knows his red flags aren't an exact science.

"None of these are always right," he said. "But these are things that you can look at and be like, 'OK, this is interesting.'"

Backing up his theories is years of experience, both as a relationships coach and a frequent wedding guest.

"I probably go to a wedding once a quarter," White said. "Maybe one out of five, sometimes two out of five, will have some of these markers in it."